Hiding from Love

Now, why would anyone want to hide from love? In the early days of accepting the fact of cancer in my life, emotions ranged from wanting to crawl under a rock and pretend it wasn't happening to a desperate need to be uplifted through whatever laid ahead for me. As a woman dealing with this disease, learning chemotherapy would take all of my hair was not a welcome thought. I prepared right away for this big change by purchasing a wig and scarves. Hair was left on pillows and clothes as my crown thinned down. Hoping no one would notice, I scurried in and out of buildings, past doorways and into the safety of home hunkered down until I hoped this unpleasant phase passed. My husband made it so much easier to bear when one day he said to me, "let's take your hair before it takes you." He cut it short enough so I could start wearing the wig. Within 3 weeks the hair was gone and my worst fear with it. Losing my mane was a good lesson in losing the need for control over what was happening to me. As a Christian growth in allowing the Lord control is essential.

David, under the power of the Holy Spirit writes in Psalm 139 - "O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, And laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; It is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me." There is nowhere to hide from the Lord. His eyes see every soul on earth. His mind comprehends every concern and care of life. The love of Jesus Christ extends beyond the bounds of human existence. Because of His great sacrifice, my citizenship is already in Heaven and so I must come away from the natural inclination to hide and let Jesus love on me through whomever He may send my way. When cancer was new I wanted few to be invited to help, but as I grew in my desperate need for God to uphold me, the pride in my outward appearance became less of an issue. As written in previous posts, people came to our aid; people I don't even know. When I was low, the Lord prompted many to send cards, emails and gifts at just the right times to lift me up. I've been a Christian for almost 20 years, but never before have known the depth of God's love for me until I got cancer. Now I don't mind sharing with anyone the latest news on my treatment or my thoughts on passing from this life to the next with Christ. The reason: "You [Jesus Christ] are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word. Uphold me according to Your word, that I may live; And do not let me be ashamed of my hope." (Psalm 119:114, 116) Yes Lord, use my experience with cancer as a beacon of Your light in this darkened world. Though the outward woman is perishing, inwardly I am being renewed day by day in answer to prayers to live for God's glory. Instead of hiding under a rock, I'm standing on the Rock of Christ Jesus. Hallelujah and Amen!

For more posts from Comfort in Christ Cancer Support go to http://comfortinchristcancersupport.blogspot.com/